The Advice Blog

Umm okay so our group has been texting a girl who we thought was someones cousin, but it turned out to be a girl in our group. This girl had been asking us all questions about what we thought about her and things like that. A bunch of us found out and now were wicked upset and feel hurt. Its not fair to manipulate people like that. Some of the girls still dont know its her though. and we havent told her that we know. What should we do? Please help us as soon as possible! by Anonymous

hello! first of all, in the conversation, did you guys say anything mean about the girl at all? second, how did the misconception occur? i mean, it’s not really easy to mistake your friend for your cousin. saying that, i suppose it was a little unfair of her to take advantage of you like that if you didn’t know it was her if you knew that… i think the only thing to do if you didn’t say anything mean about her is just to apoligize and tell her the truth that you didn’t know it was her. if you did say something mean, i’m sorry, but then whatever consequences happen, you deserve. NEVER talk about friends behind their back. i hope this helps xx

i've really liked this guy for over a year. we check each other out all the time, just eyeing each other whenever the other one is near. i recently started saying hi to him, smiling, waving in the hallway, etc.. today he finally said my name and greeted me first. its been over a year and im hopelessly crushing on this guy (he likes me back, too, but hes shy around girls he likes, and i really don't know what to do. what can i do to move this to the next step without asking him out myself? xo by Anonymous

yay for you! so first, i’d just start having longer conversations with him. talk about life, interests, whatever. then, get his number! always mention long stories that you’d “love to tell him, maybe over coffee sometime?”. mutually meet up outside of school sometime- be friends before you become boyfriend/girlfriends! then, you’ll have yourself this guy! note: works differently with each guy….

To the anon who wishes they were blonde

I really wouldn’t think of it like that. I’m naturally blonde, and truthfully, I’ve never gotten compliments from guys about the colour of my hair—it really matters more the way you take care of it, if it’s healthy, and in reality, I don’t really think hair matters much at all.

One of my friends is probably one of the prettiest, most stylish and confident people I’ve ever met, and she has curly red hair. I’ve always loved her hair, and I think she’s gorgeous—but not because of her hair, because of her smile and her lovely personality. I think lots of guys feel that same way about her too, haha.

Really, I wouldn’t think about blonde as the ‘ideal’. Red hair is beautiful!

To the anon who doesn’t want to get hurt, but doesn’t want to lose him

You’re in a really tough spot right now, and I feel for you. It must be really confusing.

Honestly, this may be one of the hardest actions to take, but I really believe the best thing to do would be to let him know clearly that you value his friendship more than you value the ‘benefits’ side of things.

You say he’s a good guy, and I’m sure he is, which means that he should also accept all sides of you, besides just your appearance—he needs to acknowledge your character, humour, personality, all the sides of you that he originally chose to be friends with you because of. I wouldn’t suggest breaking off your ties because he sounds like someone you want in your life, but also remember to value yourself and what makes you you inside above all. If he ignores those parts in favour of sexual benefits, he’s making a mistake, and he’s also probably not the right guy.

I really hope you find a way through this situation!

i'm friends with this guy, but i live in canada and he lives in the states, so we talk online and on skype. we recently became friends with benefits, but now its turning into just benefits, and we don't just talk to talk. it hurts because i like him a lot, and he's a really good guy. i don't know what to do about it, because i don't want to get hurt but i don't want to lose him. help? by Anonymous

to the person who wishes they were blonde

hair color has nothing to do with a person liking you. what really matter is your personality and how you treat others and the self confidence you have in yourself. if you have self confidence and respect yourself and others, that is what will attract a guy, not the hair color

... I wish i was a blonde cause boys like them. nobody likes a ginger. by Anonymous

….gingers are passionate. blondes are considered non-intelligent and too common for the guys i know. i think girls with red hair and freckles and light skin are absolutely beautiful.

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a few years now. Lately he hasn't been talking to me as much, but when we do he acts completely normal. I'm upset because he isn't bothering to talk to me very much lately... Am I wrong for being upset? Do you think he's losing interest or something? by Anonymous

a few years, wow! that’s a long time! i really don’t have much experience with long-term relationships, but if i were in this situation i would wonder if he were looking for a best friend as much as a girlfriend… sometimes you just need someone to talk to, maybe he’s going through a rough patch. i think you should talk to him about the matter before you ruin a good, long relationship.

Usually I wouldn't talk on here because I feel like you give generic advice. But I need to vent. I am so depressed right now. I literally want to cut myself until I can't stand the smell of blood. I haven't cut since September 2010. I don't want to break that, but the urge is so strong it scares me. by Anonymous

i used to cut, too. i know how much you want to cut sometimes, how much it can hurt. but before you do, think to yourself:do i NEED to do this? what will this fix if i do cut?

ps. cutting, unlike what people believe, is not a cry for help. it is rather a control issue. if i had to guess, you’re having a busy life right now that you don’t feel you can keep all parts under control. try to organize your life more, even drop activities to keep it under control. with midterms coming up, you may be stressed, but find something that will calm you down.